~~**==My life, I write...to remember==**~~

Sunday, June 25, 2006

My two cents worth


I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn't fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives. When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate.

And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other's presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other's foibles. It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the other's habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other? The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages.

Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side. This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the
sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together. The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality.

This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each other's company over the long term. If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new. Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.

After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can't accept, you will inevitably come to grief. Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.

Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance doesn’t become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood.

There are many other keys, but you must find them by ourselves. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.

So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word. There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation. Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. We never question these, because we see them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe.
Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come. If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed. We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger. It never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter. But there is positive transformation as well.

Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presence, two separate consciousnesses come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one. There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to
say that there is not tension and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers. Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains. But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriage commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex.

So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom...endlessly.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Sonnet XVII



I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

==Pablo Neruda==

Reasons why he loves me...

YOU WANT REASONS WHY I LOVE YOU!!!!

I love the way we finish each other's sentences.I love your love for life.I love the way I know you'll never give up on me.I love your passion for your hobbies and interests. I love the fact that I wouldn't ever give up on you.I love how every time I look at you, you take my breath away. I love the way you look at me. I love how I thank God everyday for bringing someone as wonderful as you into my life.I love how beautiful your hands are.I love the way I can't imagine a day without you in my life.I love the special moments that we shared that will remain my fondest memories of you and I.
I love the way if we were ever separated I wouldn't know how to go on.I love the way we cuddle and watch sunsets together.
I love how my heart skips a beat whenever you walk towards meI love how you love me. I love how I know you'll always be there when I need you to be.I love how I love you. I love the fact that I will always be there for you too.I love the ways you choose to show your affection for me. I love how when I dream of my life partner, the only person that I can see is you.I love the way you inspire me to be more than I am. I love how complete I feel when I am with you.I love the way you spark my creativity and imagination. I love how our bodies just fit together.I love the way you make me feel like anything is possible as long as I'm with you.I love the way you make me laugh.I love your sense of humor.I love the way you laugh.I love the way you make me feel like royalty.I love the way you won't compromise yourself when we are together.I love the way you dress. I love the way you won't let me compromise myself.I love your understated elegance. I love your thoughtfulness.I love you just the way you are.I love your tenderness.I love your spontaneity.I love your ability to speak without saying a single word.I love our life together.I love the way we glance at each other across the cubicles and know what each other is thinking.I love how if I died right now I would be the happiest person alive knowing I found my one true love.I love the way, how even though we may be miles apart I still feel like you're right here with me.I love the fact that we will grow old together. I love your way with words.I love the way you look when you're sleeping. I love your willingness to share everything and most especially your heart with me.I love the way you let me live my life freely without jealousy.I love your strength of character. I love how you demand respect but are not controlling.I love how I would do anything in this world to make you happy.I love how you would do anything in this world to make me happy.I love the way you treat me. I love the way your voice sounds over the phone. (gosh..)I love the way you take care of us. I love your cooking. I love how our romance feels like the perfect romance movie.I love how you are my soul mate.I love your confidence. I love the way you handle troubled times.I love your ability to make me feel better when times are tough. I love the way you respect me.I love the way we make up after a fight.I love the way you protect and defend me.I love how you feel when we cuddle.I love the way you support me when I'm off track.I love the softness of your lips against mine.I love the way you take the time to show me how much you love me.I love your beautiful hair. I love laying in bed at night talking about nothing.I love your openness to try new things.I love waking up to find we've been cuddling together all night.I love your ability to talk things through.
I love your courage to be you.I love your intelligence.I love your greatness.I love your ingenuity.I love the fact that you want to be with me and only me.I love how I am and feel when I am with you!
I love you for you! Mai.

The Purpose of Life

Don't date because you are desperate.
Don't marry because you are miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.

Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because you are smarter.
Don't demand because you are stronger.

Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough and know better.
Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell yourself,your family, or your ideals.
Don't stagnate!

Don't regress. Don't live in the past.
Time can't bring anything or anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr/Mrs Right.
Don't throw your lifeaway on absolutely Mr Wrong because your biological clock is ticking.

Learn a new skill. Find a new friend. Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won.
Only a price to be paid for some of life's more hasty decisions.
To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.


To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.
To make yourself happy, pursue your passions and be the best of whatyou can be.


Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, and dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose onduty.
Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.


Be true to yourself. Don't commit when you are not ready.
Don't keepothers waiting needlessly.
Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.

Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.

Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.
Write poetry. Love Deeply. Walk barefoot. Dance with wild abandon. Cry at the movies.
Take care of yourself. Don't wait for someone to take care of you.

Youlight up your life. You drive yourself to your destination.
No onecompletes you - except YOU.

It is true that life does not get easier with age. It only gets more challenging.
Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions. Live your dreams.
Don't lose faith in your God.
Don't grow old. Just grow YOU!

When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of yourlife that you'll never get back.
Your time is your life. That is why thegreatest gift you can give someone is your time.
Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E
because the essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others,
buthow much we give of ourselves.

We were planned for God’s pleasure, so your first purpose is to offer real worship.
We were formed for God’s family, so your second purpose is to enjoy real fellowship.
We were created to become like Christ, so your third purpose is to learn real discipleship.
We were shaped for serving God, so your fourth purpose is to practice real ministry.
We were made for a mission, so your fifth purpose is to live out real evangelism.

---> Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life